Raise a Glass at Christmas!

Here's a special toast to my family and friends.

My chance to wish you good cheer.

Here's hoping your wishes and dreams all come true

At this magical time of the year.

Here's to the memory of loved ones we've lost,

And those who are far, far away.

Here's to keeping the spirit of Christmas alive

And maintaining it, day after day.

Here's to fun, love and laughter the whole year through.

May your hearts be filled with delight.

Here's to fond celebrations with those you hold dear

And a future that's happy and bright.

Wishing all my loved ones a very merry Christmas

and a joyful and prosperous New Year!

Dawn Ferrett

My Favourite Christmas Things

[With apologies to Rogers and Hammerstein for fouling up a perfectly good song. Feel free to sing along, if you've a mind to.]

Robins and reindeer and tinsel and holly

Christmas trees, mistletoe, Santa so jolly

Listening to carollers sing "We Three Kings"

These are a few of my favourite things.

Films like "White Christmas" and "Jack Frost" are charming.

Scrooge and his spirits are somewhat alarming.

And Julie Andrews. I love when she sings

"These are a few of my favourite things".

Turkey and Brussels and mince pies and jelly,

Eating till I've got no room in my belly

Then scoffing more till my waist button pings

These are a few of my favourite things.

When it's cold out,

And the night's long.

When I'm feeling blue,

I simply shout out "Merry Christmas, my Friends,

And Happy New Year.....to You!"

by Dawn Ferrett

The Fairy on the Christmas Tree

The fairy on the Christmas tree

Is looking quite forlorn.
Her wand is broken and splinted;
Her wings, all tattered and torn.
Her dress of stiff crepe paper
Was once a bright sky blue,
But time has bleached it all away.
It's now a much paler hue.
But through it all, each Christmas
She sits in pride of place,
Gazing down on the proceedings,
A serene smile on her face.
She sat there when I was growing up,
And when my son was small,
And, somehow, I know she'll still be there
When the grandchildren come to call.
She's become a part of my family life,
Of memories which I hold dear,
And to me, at least, she heralds in
A Christmas filled with cheer.
And I just can't bear to give her up,
To heartlessly throw her away.
To me she represents Christmases Past
And she will to my dying day.

Dawn Ferrett

Merry Bloomin' Christmas!!!!!

Now, I know that there’s a recession

And the message is all "doom and gloom",

But I really don’t need to remind you

That it'll be Christmas soon!

 

So I don’t want to hear “Bah! Humbug!”

Or “Christmas is cancelled this year!”

Let everything be tinsel and holly,

Sleigh bells and words of good cheer!

 

Yes, we’ve had to pull in our belts

(The bills still have to be paid)

But dig out last years decorations

And give cards that you’ve lovingly made.

 

No need for extravagant spending:

One good gift per head will suffice.

And I’m sure that, wrapped up in brown paper,

Your parcels will look just as nice.

 

And as for Christmas dinner –

Chicken nuggets will do for the meat!

After all, when the booze hits their systems

Your guests will be too drunk to eat!

 

In fact, if you take some sound advice

You’ll be tanked up right through till next year.

I, in turn, plan to drink myself senseless –

Now, that’s my idea of “good cheer”!

 

So, here’s to you and yours, my friend!

Let all your burdens be light.

May your Christmas spirit be 40% proof

And your days be more merry than bright!!!

Wishing all my friends and family

a very Merry Christmas,

and in the words of Tiny Tim, 

"God bless us, every one!"

Nursery Crimes!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

The structure of the wall was incorrect,

So he won ten grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining! It's Pouring!

Oh, shit! It's Global Warming!

Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties.

Now he can't keep his heart-rate down

And she's got diabetes!

Mary had a little skirt

With splits right up the sides

And everywhere that Mary went

The boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt

'Twas split right up the front.....

....But she didn't wear that one often.

Mary had a little lamb

Her father shot it dead.

And now it goes to school with her

Between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie-man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie-man,

"What have you got there?"

Said the pie-man to Simple Simon,

"Pies, you idiot!"

Mary had a little lamb

She tied it to a pylon.

10,000 volts went up it's bum

And turned it's wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play

He kissed them too - he's funny that way!

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Dozy Jill forgot her pill

And now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass and grabbed Jill's ass.

Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb.

It's fleece was white and wispy.

But thanks to Foot and Mouth disease

It's now all black and crispy.

Mary had a little lamb.

You've heard this tale before.

But did you know, she passed her plate,

And had a little more?

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again!