The House at Crookhorn Corner

On my normal bus route, heading home to Waterlooville

There's a special sight that brightens up my day.

No matter what my day's been like or if I'm feeling ill

It chases all the gloominess away.

And even when it's dark and dank I still can't help but smile

Just knowing that it's there, though I can't see.

As we get to Crookhorn Corner I am grinning all the while

'Cos in my mind the vision shines for me.

What is this bright and cheerful scene that fills me with good will?

What image never ceases to amuse?

In a house at Crookhorn Corner, on a bedroom window sill

Two dancing figures - Jake and Elwood Blues!

So if by chance you find yourself on Crookhorn Lane some day

Past Scratchface Lane, look up and to the right,

And let this happy, hopeful scene chase all the clouds away.

It'll bring you joy and make your heart feel light. 

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES

The missus bought a Paperback,
Down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
And stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!

When I read this I laughed so hard the tears were rolling down my legs! 

Pam Ayres has always been my idol. I wish I had half her talent. 

More power to your elbow Pam! Keep 'em comin'!

Dawn xxxx

My Quirky Valentine

Your teeth are like stars!

I'm not being polite.

When I say they're like stars

I mean they come out at night!

And your lips aren't like petals

It's sad to relate.

They more closely resemble

Bike pedals, old mate!

When I look at your face,

Time stands still as a rock,

Because, dear, your face

Would stop any clock!

You have eyes like the sea -

They're making me barf!

And as for your hair - 

Are you having a laugh?

Still nobody's perfect

And if you'll be mine

I'll be over the moon

As your Valentine!

May God Bless & Keep You

Another year is over,
A new one just begun.
My prayer is that this year will bring
Good things to everyone.

May each day bring you gladness
And sorrows be but few.
Let hearts and minds be full of peace
Today and all year through.

God bless all those who love you
And those whom you love, too,
His grace and mercy evident
In all you say and do.

So, here's to new beginnings!
Know this, deep in your heart.
With God's help we can overcome,
And make a brave new start!

No need to fear the future,
For God's hands hold us fast.
As long as we still cleave to Him
We're conquerors at last!

What wonders will He show us?
What gifts will He provide?
What hope, what joys, what subsidy?
Our every need supplied!

Lord, thank you for our blessings.
For friends and family, too.
I give all that I have to give -
Heart, soul and mind - to You!

Amen