Christmas Musings

There's nothing like Christmas to bring out the rhymester in me. Im fact, it's becoming a bit of a tradition. Starting with the following:

Compliments of the Season

As the yuletide season nears
I thought I'd take the time
To send a greeting to you all
And compose this little rhyme.

I've racked my brains for something new
To say that won't sound trite,
But everything's been done to death.
I just can't get it right!

Like "Wish you well on this Noel"
Or "Have a Cool Yule!"
Or "Hark! The merry yuletide bell!"
(Oh! Come on! Think, you fool!)

I guess I'll have to face the facts
It's an impossible mission.
And after all, it's Christmas time!
So why break with tradition?

To everyone who reads these lines
This wish rings loud and clear
Have a Very Merry Christmas
And the Happiest New Year!!!

Then there was the one I wrote when I was working at the fish and chip shop and working Christmas Eve:

Merry Fishmas and a Chippy New Year!

'Tis the night before Christmas, and all through the place
The fishcakes are vanishing without a trace.
The fish, the sausages, the chicken, the pies
Disappearing like magic before our eyes!

The pace is so hectic, the fryer feels frazzled
While the counter assistants are dazed and bedazzled!
The till's begun smoking - it can't take much more!
And still we've got people pouring in through the door!

The shop's full to bursting - we can't fit them all in,
And if this was a pub, we'd yell "No room at the inn!"
But the tide of humanity is now ebbing away
And all is at peace at the end of the day.

Still one thing remains for the staff here to do.
Here's our Christmas message to each one of you.
To quote C C Moore (and I hope that's alright!)
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Then three years ago, this one:

A Christmas Toast

The Christmas season is almost here.
The shops are filled with delights.
Everyone's busily wrapping up gifts
And untangling fairy lights.

But at this time of year it's nice to recall
The loved ones who matter the most.
So to all of the people who enrich my life
I'd like to raise this toast!

May your days be blessed with happiness,
Your nights with peaceful dreams,
And may you find fulfilment
And success in all your schemes!

And now, here's my latest effort!

Christmas List

Here's Santa in his workshop.
He's looking pretty p****d
'Cos some great thieving mongrel's
Gone and pinched his Christmas list!
How's he gonna know for sure
If a child's been good or bad?
And if that list doesn't show up soon,
He's gonna get quite mad!
The elves are getting nervous
As the accusations fly,
And they're on the verge of walking out!
What a catastrophe! Oh, my!
The reindeer are indignant
To be turfed out of their stable
While Santa searches frantically,
Upturning everything he's able.
Then, just as all looks hopeless
And Santa's fit to drop,
In rushes Mrs Claus saying
"I've just been to the shop,
To get some last-minute items,
And you won't guess what I've done!
I pulled out my list - and lo and behold!
I'd picked up the wrong one!"
Well, Santa stood there staring
At his wife through tears of joy!
Then with great haste he loaded up
His sleigh with every toy.
He apologised to all his friends
For his behaviour all that day
And promised that they'd find
A little extra in their pay!
So, calamity averted,
Santa sped off on his way
To deliver all the presents.
Then came home at break of day.
His missus stood there waiting
With a surprise in store -
She said "It's a technological age!
Who needs written lists any more?
I've bought us both a laptop
Yours is blue and mine is pink,
So we can tell them both apart."
She said, "Now. What do you think?"
"Oh! Clever, clever woman!"
Santa cried, "What a great idea!
I'll start a spreadsheet to keep a tab
On the chidren from year to year!"
Well, I suppose it was inevitable,
Even necessary, on the whole,
That technology would eventually
Find it's way to the North Pole!

And finally...

I hope that you've enjoyed my rhymes.
It's always been my passion
To make my readers smile, and bring some ease,
After a fashion.

And though I know it's early still
(November's not yet done)
Here's a heartfelt wish from me to you...

Merry Christmas, everyone!!!