Throw-away Rhyme

You think that you know just who I am,
But how can that possibly be,
When all you can view from the outside
Is the part I allow you to see?

I'm hiding beneath the surface
Wearing a painted smile
Putting on the greatest show
You've seen in a long, long while.

I've spent my whole life acting like
I'm happy and content
While all the time, the tears inside
Are building up, unspent.

Alone with myself, the mask comes off,
The shield I wear disappears
And loneliness and self-loathing replace
The armour I've worn all these years.

It all started when I was very young,
A shy and awkward child
Sitting alone in the playground,
Relentlessly teased and reviled.

So I made myself as small as I could;
Was quieter than a mouse,
While I took it all out on my younger siblings
When my mum was out of the house.

In lessons I'd never raise my hand
Even though the answer I knew
My horror of being noticed at all
Made that the last thing I'd do.

And so, it went on throughout the school years
I became more of a recluse.
Outwardly getting on well with my life
But all the while that was a ruse.

The habits of a lifetime, it's true,
Are the hardest by far to break
In comparison, giving up smoking
Is childs play - a piece of cake!

But I'm working so hard to try to be
More open, then maybe some day,
I'll wonder why I wrote these lines;
Tear them up and throw them away.